Making Sport

Ahoy all!

I've been very diligent this year in not keeping my New Year's resolutions. The classic resolution every year is to hit the gym and turn a little jelly into solid rock. If I get "The Best Job in the World," I am pretty sure that the Australians will video tape me by accident - and if I am not prepared physically, I could end up on the cover of a nasty news rag. The problem with the gym is that it's a sweaty place where people exercise - and people blow dry their hair in the nude...and I don't mean the hair on top of your head! I have tried all the trendy options, and I need some serious results!

So today, instead of eating another piece of pie a la mode, I am heading out in search of the best new ways to "Push harder! Go past the max! Reach over the top! Master your ass!"

New ways to master your ass:

1. Wrestle
2. Figure skate
3. Pole dance
4. Wrangle cats
5. Ping-pong

No luck! I did not make it out today! I think I will always just stay home and think about working out.